My mother often said”Fools names and fools’ faces are often seen in public places.” She was most often speaking of graffiti when she said such things but I wonder if hearing that over and over again from a very early age is part of the reason I have never been able to submit anything I write for publication without feeling a huge amount of angst and guilt. And why after having had one poem published I was never able to submit anything else.The title quote is apt for how I feel today after my first ecstatic joy yesterday after learning that OMIGAWD “The Isthmus” had linked to my Mallards Baseball essay on its website The Daily Page on Sunday. I was screaming with delight and iterrupted my son’s Magic game, called my best friend in High School, wrote to my email buds, called my daughter. I couldn’t wait to get home so I could tell people here about it. Tears of sheer joy were running down my face in rivers of delight.
Having that happen was more than just an honor. It was a dream come true. Having The Isthmus consider my essay worthy of a link mean that I really am a writer and not just some dabbler poking around on my keyboard.
Today I don’t want to tell anyone. I feel like I have to keep it a secret because surely it must be a fluke. I just got lucky and wrote one good sentence. It doesn’t really mean anything special and I’ve been a fool to put myself out here, to allow myself to be so vulnerable so publically. I had no idea publications like Dane101 and The Isthmus would find my blog.
I feel like I am back in Third Grade being accused of plagiarizing the first short story I ever wrote by Mrs Witte that wicked old witch!) and my parents (those monsters under the bed!).
sigh… It’s a good thing I go see my Harry shrink tomorrow. I need some serious whiteout for those crazy old tapes I’ve got running through my psyche.